Bipolar

**His story**

Baby, where have you been ??
Retribution of some sort,
For something unseen..
Or just my paranoia,
Becouse i know i can be mean..
Talk to me,
Please don't shout..
Dont pack ur things,
We'll figure this out..

Remember the first time,
I acted on u.
scared as hell,
But we talked things through and took doctors help..
I didn't left you in dark,
Not then, not now, so why do you still bark..

You started throwing things,
And left me no choice,
Then i hit you because my anger was on peek..
Baby, please wake up,
Without you i am weak.
Just open your eyes,
I'll give space that you seek..

Without you i'm all alone.
Fighting for no one,
Its killing me now that you're gone.
Redemption or salvation,
Say it whatever.
Guilt you left me with is my only pills & potion..

**Her story**

When i was alive,
You gave me no chance,
To speak or to cry,
All you ever said that i didn't even try.
You threw things , hit things, & gave me scars,
Now Poisoning urself to death, Sitting in a bar,
Even after death ur giving me scars..

You say, you were in pain,
It's as if i was out of sight out of mind.
I was there, all along,
Standing by your side,
In black and white, good and bad
Waited till it was out of my hand..

You feared your deamons,
Instead of fighting them,
You passed onto me.
I knew what i opted for,
Nither space nor comfort,
Nither hope nor luck,
Just moments of happiness & a little love..

I want you to live,
Like i never existed,
Only then i'll persist.
It took me long, to understand & appreciate life,
Just be happy , dont dwell upon past,
Work upon yourself and get recover fast..

Beauty of the dark

Why do we usually end up arguing about something ?? Or why do we hate something ?? Is there there anything like beauty in the dark or its just darkness ??

We as human beings have primary instinct of defending our pride or things we think understood well enough. we all konw change is inevitable but then why we are not so welcoming to change or just see the essence of a change ? Why  we turn grumpy, when things dont go the way we plan. can there be solace in loosing a battle ?? I guess we all know the answer to each question but we never put pieces together..

Think of the things that makes you happy and sad at same tym. I guess we all have such moments where love & hate exist together , beauty is result of cruelty , happiness for price of saddening someone or peace of mind at the risk of loosing someone. So for some reason we argue, end result is not fight that we seek. Its the collateral beauty that comes after. What is this collateral beauty or there is anything like that ?

We see things but we dont make sense out of it at tyms. Or sometimes we do things for sake of doing. some ppl can make long run, and then get into trouble. but in the end result is not how much u ran or what could have been done better. Its about the problems we ignored or somethings we missed to see.

We see 'q' of the questions and we start assuming. Either we don't understand it or we dont give it a try. we are so perceptive about the darkness that we fail to see the light (the beauty in the dark). There are many, who are stranded in the dark, seeking for help and many who gave up trying to understand it.

If your ready to give it a try, you'll understand that beauty of the dark is no different. we all live in the same plane where good exist because of bad, sadness as the result of happiness etc. We all are safe betting, acting diplomatic, or just avoiding to take battle. One should try to be opinionated at times and be more assertive. Don't get afraid of the drak, try to find beauty in the dark. Some battle are worth fighting for and maybe beauty of the dark is not cruel at all.

We are all lost in our world. we make compromises that matters to us not what matter to the world.. some of our choice are for greater good, so don't feel bad if world doesn't get you. keep calm and find beauty of the dark and maybe then you dont have you prove it to others.

If you can see whats real in me then maybe beauty wouldn't be so cruel. - mad langer

I think, i am loosing my mind. !?

Have you ever got feeling that control over your life is slipping out of your hands or it was never in your control but now even crazy shit is happening and you can't do anything abt it. we usually see our life in confined color space, generally black & white. Have you ever consider introducing yourself to new color ? what leads us to go for new colors and what stops ? how was your first time experience of trying something new. Does it excite you or leave you with undying guilt or it just changes you somehow. lets not go way ahead of ourselves and assume worse beacuse we never let ourselves burden with something that we can't bear. so lets just talk about change and how does it affect us in long term. we all have our demons, lurking, hiding inside of us and attacks when we are most vulnerable. we think we can face it when time comes but what if it shatters you even though you calculated risk all along.

"God will never throw anything at you that you can't handle. Just take one step at a time." - sidney sheldon

So where does all the preparedness go and what made you vulnerable ? Who is to blame and what you should do?  basically your own support system is failed and you can't decide how to deal it on your own. you may think i had answers of all your questions but honestly i didn't know how to deal with it.. If i knew all, i wont be puzzling myself with million possibility. Am i loosing my mind ? Will i ever recover from this ? Are these rhetorical questions or i am just lost in thoughts ?

I have decided to deal with it, no matter what.. so does that mean i have made a deal with my demon or there's any alternate way ? I guess we'll find out in a while..

1) Taking help : how many of us are actually comfortable sharing our deepest darkest secrets, with atlest one person on this earth ? My point is telling or sharing stuff helps unburdening the guilt / stress. You may not always get the best help u seek but atlest you'll have someone by your side to deal with the problem and trust me you can find people who can be trusted.

2) Just wait : you are already in an unbalanced state, now best you can do right now is to stick with basic colors rather haze urself to go for new ones frequently.. Give some time to adapt, a change is to be followed with gap to heal the wounds. the best you can do is wait and find out the essence of change.

3) Don't get lost in the thoughts : How many time have we blamed ourselves for mistakes in the past & does it ever help. So just stop thinking for a while & engage yourself in some activities.  There should be zero regret for our choices, whats done is done and there no point crying and wasting our life thinking about it. Try to be more positive about your choices. Here onwards be more assertive.

4) Don't haze next tym : we all are curious minded, always chasing something, crossing broundries. Question is how to decide, when you should take a break chasing ? I don't say one should stop at one change but while moving forward with another change, check if your able to handle another one right now.. whenever we are in situations of making decisions, we dont question ourselves even for a second.. so don't commit same mistake, that you can't rectify..

"Mistakes are the building block of wisdom" - castle

5) Don't let one mistake define us : Doing crazier and crazier stuff wont satisfy the quench, so for once be more selfless and try to rectify the root cause of the problem. Also never consider one mistake as life defining experience, coz life is not about just one single moment but chain of moments.

“We don't make mistakes. We just have happy accidents.” - Bob ross

6) Dont resent yourself : Even at times when you think you have lost the battle, never for a second resent yourself. At first, never hate anyone and then never for a second stop loving yourself because no one on the entire planet can love you more than yourself. point is, killing yourself for the things that could have been different won't get you anywhere. so what if it feels like defeat or you have to live with it for your entire life.. Thing is, we dont know  million possibilities that future holds for us, so wait till end to find out.

Even if you know somewhere that life can't be unturned, one should never giveup.. So will it ever be normal ? I guess we have to wait as long as possible to find out. For now this is the new normal.

"We never loose our demons, we just learn to live above them" - Dr. Strange movie