Wednesday, June 3, 2020

If you wont ask, you wont know

Yes, i have tried asking her many times but boy oh boy i couldn't. oh my heart what the hell do you want ? They said heart knows what it wants. Heart knows shit i say.

I dont know what will make me feel more queasy,  aftermath of rejection or overwhelmingness of acceptance.

I know i love you at this very moment and i want to say it out loud but then i have million questions. Some of them i want to ask it to myself, some left unanswered by you in the first place.

 i know i have fair share of flaws but so do you but why do i always feel like an underdog. How do i always end up in a situation like this. I think you might feel the same, but then how would i know. I wish telepathy was real.

I can't give you all the happiness in the world. When i dont know what it's like to have all the happiness myself. I promise that i wont promise any delusive standards, as i dont know what  future holds for both you and me. But i can definitely try little bit of all just for you.

I know my case is utterly boring and dull compared to your prince charming. But then i never intend to become one but you can be beauty to my beast.

Sometimes i also ponder about our future together. I dont know what will bother me more , your silence treatment  after our fights or you saying i love you when you wont mean it. Will you love me the way i do you ? I guess loneliness attracts misery.

I dont know what i am looking for , is it the certainty of some sort ? Some sort of approval ? Or just a simple sign ?

There's is immense possibility of what i am feeling is not love but then why am i so afraid of heartbreak. Am i letting my fear decide what i want ?

And for the much obvious of all assumptions so far, you dont love me. I get it, so presumptuous of me but who better than you to know that i can't afford to lose you.

Call me stupid but i am crazy about you at this moment. I dream about us being together. Trust me a smile on your face will get me through tough times. Maybe i'll get over you but for now i want to etch you in a beautiful memory.

Yes, i have feelings but now you know that i never intend to act on them. I guess, i wont know for sure what future holds for both of us, unless i ask ....

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